By Heather McCauley
Grief can sometimes be debilitating to an individual. Too often, people merely ‘deal with’ the loss of a loved one without making any effort to move forward in the process. Grief is a process - with acceptance being the ultimate goal. Other stages of grief may include denial, bargaining, anger/rage, blame, guilt and depression. How long the process takes and what stages people go through are highly individual. For those experiencing the death of a relationship and not a physical death, acceptance may be even more elusive. By avoiding acceptance, they can stay rooted in fantasies about reconciliation.
If you find yourself unable to move past any of these stages, rest assured that you are not alone. Know that you are not the first or the only person to feel what you are feeling. Sometimes talking to someone who has been through the process can make a world of difference. Just the act of making a move towards acceptance will send powerful healing energy your way.
After losing my father two and a half years ago, I didn’t believe I would ever heal. I thought I would remain “broken” or “wounded” forever. I went through anger, blame and depression. I prayed to be whole again, and each day became a little easier. Later, I felt guilty for being “ok”. I prayed for insight and I was led through the fog. Hopefully, what I discovered will be of help to at least one person.
The fact that we grieve is a testament to how freely and completely we love. Yet, loving is a selfless process - and grief is a selfish process. The departed soul, whether on this plane or another, gets nothing from this process. They simply had to take the next step in their soul’s development. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can heal. Begin to heal by honoring the love you shared. Take that love and grow it, sending it out into the world. Volunteering and other acts of kindness may allow you to stop internalizing the hurt and start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
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